Skatch Barely Pulls Through After Cock Reduction Surgery
This write up will not be for the faint of heart or the generous liberal mind. This writeup will not glorify your favorite home town heroes or make you laugh as you sit on the throne passing time. If you have a weak stomach or a big heart, then please I beg that you go to some other adult hockey website and just bypass this post alltogether. This write up will tell it exactly how it is and bring to light all of the inadaquacies of the Team and opponents that we face from week to week.
There is this one guy, who is not a bug, but calls himself ant and is always knocking on the door of our cotton boll trying to weasil his way into our domain. He can carry 10 times his weight and has a thorax of which we are all envious. He has a hair trigger on his glove side and 4000 bulging eyes in his exoskeleton. But glorify we shall not for every game we reach in our pockets to pool some money for him to let us see the net everytime we play against him. This week was only different due to the fact that Pinna did not show up with his share and Ant was steaming mad. Since we could not come up with the bounty, Ant could not get this super aeroglide 5000 with the triple threat nose and extended wings that he has been eyeing on Craislist for the past month. And for that, he tried valently to shut us down last night. And he did well, against several bugs, Sattora, who could not break through his fortress.
Even though Ant had absolutely zero defense to help him clear the puck, the Weevils only scored 3 goals in the first 35 minutes
of the game. I will tell you that he was playing so well that 2 Weevils picked up their small shiny round smooth eggs and went home in the middle of the 2nd period, leaving their TEAM to cover their arses and pick up the slack. Ant was even quoted saying, “Damn the ice down on this side is still nice and smooth!” once we changed sides and attempted to score in the goal that Huevos fixed for us before the game. That guy Huevos is a true Weevil as he will even suit up as a ref if he cant sub for us due to most of the bugs showing up to get their moneys worth.
Your favorite hometown hereos broke the Great Ant’s defenses 2 more times to make the lead 5 before letting in one goal where we forgot that there were other opponents on the ice. It seemed like the only thing we had to worry about was the pissed off Ant that keeps banging on our door at 1 in the moring demanding that we add him to our roster.
Our first goal was started by none other than big mouth Ved and finished by Pinna as he had a free shot from the rebound with no defense to block his way. [place time lapse here]. Our second goal was a smooth, tasteful backhand by a small egg guy on our TEAM. [place time lapse here and 30 shots]. The third was another amazing backhand by the San, where he faced down the mighty glove hand of the Ant and showed what it feels like to be unassisted. The fourth was a screaming 5 hole shot by the Char, who faked glove side before changing her direction at the last minute putting Ant in a tailspin. That fourth was gotten due to a great TEAM play by the San who slaps the tape on anyone’s stick he plays with all night. And who can forget the 5th which pulled us out of the most dangerous lead in hockey, by Diddle who fought the extensive defense and got behind Ant to slide the puck home. That one was also started by the magic of San.
Their goal you ask? Well, we found Mich huddled in the corner over a fire she built on the beach trying to keep warm due to the lack of activity on our end. The Zamboni was even seen clearing off the ice in our defensive zone all night, not even worried about a break out by the opponent.
I have to throw a huge shout out to all the bugs who attended Old Chicagos after the game as we made a great ally and may have secured Uni’s next 10 meals.
Notice there is no I in TEAM, please help me keep it that way.
Solid….nice work Weevs.
I heard the officiating was friggin’ TERRIBLE though!! : )
Let’s try to keep it together though, you know, for the kids…
That’s it? No grand write-up about how you pummeled them into submission? Nothing about your “roster reduction” in the second period??
Sad….I would expect better from the Weevil Nation!!
Damn Ant, give me a chance to wake up. We were out until 4am.
Late nights in the bathhouse are no excuse for the poor write-up!!
You asked for it…
where is the to the story from your team ant
good game BTW
Wow Pointstreak is updated from last nights game, but not for last weeks.
Hey Ant…is the “Rants and Raves” section of Craigslist just not enough action for you that you have to spend the day on our site?? Why don’t you go back to trying to impress all the soccer Moms with the fact that you play hockey on that fag site instead of bothering us with your “Hooked on Phonics” drivel!!
Mich. You should have told me you were cold back there. I would have borrowed your catcher instead of trying to catch a slap shot with my bare palm glove
There is no “I” in “TEAM”…true…
…but there is an “M” and an “E”…..
…hey….full disclosure, that’s all I’m sayin’…
myze….none of the guys on my team have the creativity to write such masterpieces as your team does. Hell, we’re not creative enough (or we’re just lazy!) to do a website!! You guys are just lucky I didn’t get my way on the team name…your title to today’s post would have been “Weevils beat Off In The Shower!!!”
Good game to you guys too, BTW.
Mad Cow…I rarely post on R&R anymore, or even Craigslist at all, with the exception of trying to sell a refrigerator and a lawmower this week (shameless plug, in case anyone needs something to make your post-game beverages cold or your lawn short). I think I’ve already banged all the soccer moms (tell your mom I said hi, by the way…sorry I haven’t called!!!) on Craigslist, so I’ve moved on to greener pastures!!
Ant,
most of us were on the bench when Bmoore and Browneye went to the locker room. So please don’t hold all Weevils responsible for their locker room antics.
WTF Myze?
i took a slap shot off my hand..
Tom did show me his wounded hand as he left the ice last night. How is it? Is it broke?
Ok, Borwnie …. sorry I say ya catch that one.
You guys did spend a lot of time in the stall together before the game…..
not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I was just tucking his mess in for him!!
Hey Ant….my Mom wants to know if you need your strap-on back or can she hold onto it for awhile. She says you got her addicted to poking guys from behind…now she just can’t get enough of it!! And she also said to tell you not to forget to remove those anal beads…they will give you a rash if you leave them in too long. Oh yeah, she said you should probably try to shave your back a little more often….her hedge clippers haven’t worked the same ever since. Now go back to watching Dancing with the Stars, you ape.
Hey Ant
Why you picking on Cows mom? You know damn well he doesn’t have a mom and that both cow and I share your mom..
Dang you guys are brutal. Ant played a good game and is always welcome on our website. But please take out those anal beads before the rash shows up!
I have to agree with Diddle
I think Ant is one of the better goalies in the league. I also enjoy the rants he throws up on our forums….
In all honesty , Great game ANT
Ant blows spider monkeys.
Cow has this replaced, “you smell like pepperoni”?
How about ” Ant smells like spider monkeys that blow”
Busy day at work again I see?
I just wanted to show my ability to update the repertoir…you lika da juice??
Tell her she can hang on to the strap-on, as long as she uses that sanitizer stuff between uses! I don’t want anyone else’s crud.
The anal beads worked wonders, not one slipped out during the game Tuesday night. Tell her thanks for the tip!! Really helps to keep me focused.
I think you’re a little jealous of the attention I get from the spider monkeys. You might want to look inside yourself, you have some anger management issues going on!!
:oÞ
As always, you guys (and gal, sorry Mich!) are fun to play against, I see more rubber than a toilet at a frat party when I play you.
See you in the playoffs, I’m sure! Maybe we can get more than 7 skaters to show up next time…
1 vs 10 rematch …… ouch that memory sucks
oh wait…… Ziggy is 10th - thank goodness
So Ziggy is sponsoring the Ringers next season?
Nice choice by Ziggy to go with 3-5 team
cow pie no time to reply to my PM?
Oct 30th game against rangers still not shown in pointstreak - nice league
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3EJTeoX6M8&NR=1
I still can’t figure out how the league screwed up the schedules! We play less games then everyone else…..
They will be scheduling more games for us. That is what doug said when I talked to him yesterday.