Diddle Scores in 9-1 Win

Tonight the thick scent of patriotism is in the air, swirling around the match-up between the best and the worst at the Premier Rink in America, The Factory Ice House. Dreamy anticipation and controversial thoughts filled the Weevils minds as Skatch builds doubts by posting out right lies about the opposing team. Magna group was rumored to have picked up a few A/B skaters to fill their fragile roster for last nights game.

The first period starts out tough with Magna showing their newfound speed and keeping the Weevils on their toes. On a defensive breakdown they put the first wobbly goal past Miche during a 5 on 1. She took her mind off the puck for a split second while suspensefully thinking of what the team will think of her delicious triple chocolate threat cookies that she baked during her conference call. Let us ease your mind, they were the hit of the evening! Oh did I mention that Diddle Scored?

Ok the second was all fine and dandy but lets get to the meat of the game where we where only up 6-1 in the third period. We had one of the players miked up and caught this quote from Kevin Universal on the bench, “Dang, 6-1 guys! That is the most dangerous lead in hockey. I hope our hero can get us 1 more to solidify the lead.” Well, Diddle must have overheard him from the ice. He took the puck from an unsuspecting Magna and proceeded to skate like crazy. It reminded one of our fans of the time… “I saw Bmoore out in the sun with his shirt off, I swear it looked like the light at the end of the tunnel right before he caught fire and high tailed it for the Malibu 52 foot above ground oasis.” Well back to Diddle, he streaks by 3 of the Magna defenders so fast that he ripped their ass holes right out of their hockey gear. Bmoore was quoted, “I could see his spokes! Did anyone else see that?” Diddle does not stop there as he only has 1 man to beat and even though he has a 4 on 1, he decides to finish this one off himself and cut into stat total of some of the puck hogs on our team. Ovechkin was overheard speaking about Diddle’s goal after watching it on YouTube and said, “That was something that I could never pull off, but I am going to try that move in my next game.”

After scoring the goal, Diddle put on a endzone dance that Terrel Owens would be proud of. Up and down the ice pointing to his fans and doing the dirty bird for 36.4 seconds. He was repeatedly heard doing his perfected impression of Rick Flair and everyone on the team could finally relax as our lead was now at 6. The only person who did not feel that this lead was good enough was Uni who said, “This is still the most dangerous lead in hockey.”

Oh, some other people scored too: Bmoore, Browneye (nice wrap around), Jason, Pinna (2), Uni, Sattora. But let us not focus on that right now as Diddle had the game securer.

After the game the team decided to throw a surprise party for Diddle’s goal with cheddar infused burgers, dogs, snacks and a great selection of northern piss to drink. They got a band and Miche made a whole batch of cookies just for Diddle. Although, being very modest and with team spirit he shared these sacred cookies. Pinna was even caught making a reaction to these gifts from the one above, “It’s like when your mother held you for the first time.”

Great game Diddle and see you all next week!