There once was a mook named Zepa,
Who’s pock marks get deepah and deepah.
He wears 91,
And skates like the “Great One,”
But his day job is horse stable sweepah!!

Not a limerick fan?? Ok…try this Haiku:

Zepa is a star
His moves are that of legends
But he smells like feet

Needless to say, Mr. Mazepa had the Weevils number last night as he collects a whopping 6 points to solidify his title as league scoring leader and his teams 1st place finish. But I digress…let’s start at the start.

The pre-game mood was light as 11 skaters show up for the Weevs on this final regular season game…inlcuding the return of Todd from his sensitivity training seminar in Boston and Skatch from his Anger Management class in Jersey. Pee slow was even back in action after returning from his sabatical helping underpriviledged children in third world countries learn how to pick-up trashy women and how to form the “man-gina.” The league scoring race was the talk of the locker room, as BMoore was only 2 points behind the great Zepa going into tonight’s game. Cow was looking for financial motivation to keep Mr. Zepa’s points down this evening and grumblings of point-shaving could be heard throughout the locker room. On the ice for pre-game, the mood lightened further as only 7 skaters were present for the Runnin’ Rebels…including one foxy lady!! A win tonight would mean a fist place finish for your Weevils.

The 1st period was spent much as the remainder of the game was spent…waiting for them to get friggin’ tired. Come to find out, that wouldn’t happen. The Reb’s go up 2-0 quickly as King Zepa puts both away for the bad guys within the first 4 minutes of the period. Diddle was heard to say that he got lapped by #91 getting back on D. Holyfield started playing the possum defense…..”hang out in our crease and just wait for him to come to you.” There’s nothing like letting him build up a good head of steam!! It seemed to be effective though, as the Rebs would not score for the remainder. Your Weevs on the other hand would net 3 this period as The Shire/BMoore tandem double lutzed their way to the net for the first 2…BMoore on a mission to overtake the scoring lead and Teno showing off his new moves he picked up from watching “Blades of Glory” over the weekend…and Zarby netted the third from Uni in the final minute. 3-2 good guys to end the first.

The second would be hard fought as a great deal of attention was payed to Alexander O’ZEPskin. Several good opportunities for both teams go unrewarded. The Weevs get a break at the 7:30 mark as Sattora-San nets a Bmoore pass on a sweet break-out to put the Weevs up 4-2. The 2 goal lead wouldn’t last long though, as the Reb’s come back a minute later to score one. This would be one of the only 2 goals that Zeplock Bags would not be a part of for the game. This period would be fought out for a 4-3 Weevil lead.

The final period would prove to be the Weevils demise, as Salt-n-Zepa would get 4 of his 6 points during the third. The first 2 come easy for the Reb’s, as they score them in the first 5 minutes to go up 5-4. BMoore would have none of this and nets one for the Weevs at the midway point of the period on some sweet passing from his linemates, Potsie and Ralph, to tie it all up at 5-5. Two more goals by Team Zepa at 14:30 and 18:54 would put the Weevs D in crisis mode…..Diddle started to cry, Neil started sharpening his claws, Holyfield started bitching, Skatch started stealing equipment and Cow decided to take matters into his own hooves by removing the braking system from his skates and attempting to “run” the Zepa machine not once, but twice. The first yielded an excellent triple sow cow behind the Weevs net…however Zepa skated away unfettered with the puck…those boards will definitely be thinking twice about getting in Cow’s way again. The second attempt along the far boards at the Weev’s blue line with a streaking Zepa yielded Cow a broken stick, a large belly welt, a bruised ego, bad milk, an IRS audit and a boil on his left testicle…but Zepa was not to see the crease this go around. Stickless and confused, Cow remained with the play while checking prostates on every Rebel player he could find. No goal for the Reb’s, but several sexual harassment complaints on this rush. Pee Slow is pulled at that point and the Weevs drive up the ice on a mission to win. BMoore nets his fifth point of the night to pull the Weevs within one with :30 to play. The Reb’s would complete the crop dusting of the Weevs with an empty netter with :04 left and take the game 8-6.

Thanks to the Ringers getting their inflated heads handed to them in a 9-1 drubbing from the Ranger’s, the Weevils sit in second place heading into the playoffs. Team Factory will be the first playoff opponent for the Weevil Nation. Playoff discussions and commentary of Pee Slow’s extra long Jordache jeans filled the post-game tailgate. Several Weevs called it an early night…but the depression was quite evident….no movie references from Sattora, no nudity from Pee Slow, and Todd wasn’t even sticking up for the refs….a sad display to say the least!! Props to Teno’s lady for coming out to support. Props to Pee Slow for the refreshments. Props to Uni for covering the pie at Vincent’s.

Stay tuned for this week’s Top 10 list after Cow sober’s up from his Vincent’s $2.00 Bud special drinking binge. Lesson for the week…just because it’s only $2.00 doesn’t mean one should partake!! There ain’t no hangover like a redneck hangover!!

Moo.