(WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING GAME SUMMARY CONTAINS MANY REFERENCES TO PAST AND PRESENT ICONS OF POP CULTURE AND SEVERAL VERY LARGE WORDS.  IN THE INTEREST OF TIME AND SPACE, THE MANAGEMENT WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST THAT TENO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!!)

“There’s a magic in the early morning we’ve found
When the sunrise smiles on everything around
It’s a portrait of the happiness that we feel and always will
Eight is enough to fill our lives with love.”

Even though that ’80’s TV family drama pre-dates a vast majority of the Weevil roster, those opening lyrics were eerily fitting of the Elite Eight who came out to play last night!!  Weevil Nation was, however, thrown into a state of chaos throughout the day yesterday leading up to the game, as Diddle’s new job actually requires him to work now and website server issues can’t be dealt with expeditiously.  This issue required the Weevs to go to the primal “phone-tree” method to ensure we had players showing up, given that both Skatch and Todd were scratches for the week.  This resulted in the news that Zarby was currently recovering from a wisdom tooth removal gone awry (personally, if I were Zarb I’d be holding on to anything having to do with wisdom!) and more importantly that Pee Slow had suffered an as yet to be determined injury to his ribs (Teno later informed the team that he heard Slow had been injured attempting an act of self-fellacio.  But it could also have been his belated, drug-induced celebration of the 8 Nights of Hanukkah…or maybe he was just busy watching Adam Sandler’s “Eight Crazy Nights.”  Nonetheless, the hairy little gnome wasn’t there!!).  In the subsequent confusion and befuddlement, John Lindenberger was procurred from the C Weevils to help out in net.  However, Kevin Universal had already agreed to play in net this week.  The two were thrown into the Octagon for a fight-to-the-death before the game, and The “U” came out victorious…you can catch all that action on ESPN “The Ocho” later this week!!  (Actually, Lindy showed up to a group of guys who didn’t expect him to be there and someone dressed like a goalie sitting in his seat, so we humbly apologize to him for the screw up and thank him for making the effort to help us out when we called upon him.  We won’t let that happen again…promise!!) 

Once the numbers were tallied, the mood in the locker room pre-game went from gleeful anticipation of a “stat-fest”, per the results of our last meeting with the Alpha Magna’s, to cautious optimism of how we would handle such an unlucky number of skaters.  But onto the ice the 8 tiny skaters went…on Shire, on Sattora, on B Moore, on Pinna…on Mad Cow, on Diddle, on Weber, on Myze.  This was to be a night of ironman hockey…4 offense, 4 defense, and The “U” in net!!  The Magna Group appeared to have grown, both in height and numbers, since our previous match-up.  But the Weevils, who after consulting the Magic 8 Ball just prior to the puck drop if they would be victorious were told “Reply hazy, try again”, kept the tears to a minimum and took the ice with a faux confidence only seen in annorexic runway models hopped up on ephedrin. 

The scoring came early for the Weevs, who skated figure 8’s around the Magna’s, as B  Moore takes a feed from the Shire at 0:46 and lights the lamp.  Two penalties during the period even up the offensive lines for us and we begin to have an epiphany…take penalties to “help” the team…interesting.  The Weevs take advantage of the “extra man” rest at 17:13 and Sattora plants a B Moore pass behind the Magna’s keeper.  The “U” stands on his head, dropping Weevil jaws throughout the period with his eight legged freak type stops, and makes some beautiful saves including a glover which is sure to go down in Weevil lore!!  Period ends…finally…with a 2-0 lead.

It’s looking good for your 8 Men Out going into the second with a 2 goal shutout thus far, and the Weevs take advantage of yet another “time out” in the box with a shorthander by Pinna from B Moore at 3:06.  The Weevs play shorthanded like most teams play on the powerplay….pinching and passing inside their zone as if we had 10 men out there!!  Another even-sided goal less than 2 minutes later finds Sattora sneaking off the bench ninja style and Myze launching a Hail Mary pass down the ice for a sweet one-on-one with the keeper which finds the the back of the net.  4-0 at the 5-minute mark of the 2nd bodes well for your heroes as the refs start giving the Magna Group the standing 8-count.  But wait, there is some life in this this Peanuts gang as they take advantage of the quickly tiring Weevil crew and a Myze shoulder injury.  The bad guys score two, including one on a shorthanded burst out of their zone which catches Cow and Myze playing crazy 8’s at the blue line and slip it by the sure-handed Universal who can only stop so many shots in one outing!!  4-2 to end the second period and the exhausted Weevs are praying for a rain out.

The third period starts off a little hairy, like Teno’s toes, as an obvious high stick goal for the Magna’s sneaks by Universal and doesn’t immediately get called off, to bring the score to 4-3 for the time being.  The energy level of the dehydrated bugs peaks during the ensuing referee conference and our subsequent “offering of opinions.”  The goal is finally waved off and a penalty called for the high stick.  The Weevs take advantage of the ensuing power play as Pinna takes a B Moore pass (who says this wasn’t a “stat night”?!?!?) and puts another on the board for the good guys.  The fatigue is evident as Weevil shots are fired from our blue line, Teno actually loses the puck in our zone, Cow stops farting, penalties are not being taken, etc.  But that’s when the Weevs started putting the beat down like Rabbit in “8 Mile.”  Two more goals on 3 Weevil penalties during the remainder of the third, including an unassisted short-hander by an obviously tired Shire at 18:45…he only skated around the net 3 times instead of his usual 4 and made only 2 dekes to bring the score to 7-2.  And as he skated away, he could be heard singing “Hold me, love me, hold me, love me, I ain’t got nothing but love babe, eight days a week.”  Another fantastic period between the pipes for The “U” keeps the Weevs on the plus side for the night and with one last Pinna penalty with no time left as he inquires whether an older Magna would like “to dance?”, that’s how it would end.

Solid play by the short-sided bugs who were able to hold their own, especially our guest keeper and the offense.  Pinna was still heard to complain about Teno’s “long shifts” throughout the night and he decided to take his 8-track player and go home.  Pee Slow’s beer night was covered by Diddle…much appreciated.  Props to Floh for the fan support and to Neil for his injury plagued shifts and post-poning his drive to Philly for after the game.  The night was capped by a not-so-quick visit to O’Dwyers where Sattora broke down after discovering the Big Buck Hunter game was broken (see picture above of the dissapponted young man wishing upon a star that his game would come back to life) and was unable to finish off an entire bucket of hot wings with Cow.  To add insult to injury, the entire Sattora clan was probably in tears this morning as well because this summary wasn’t up in time for them to read with their Eight O’Clock brand coffee and Zepa is still dangling that points carrot in front of Juniors’ three chins.  Hit the treadmill for the last few games my man…lets put Zepa in his place!!  You want to dance son?!?!?

The good news is the Weevs are still in the hunt for the top spot and nobody can touch our PIM lead!!  In addition, by taking the night off Skatch has finally been overtaken by someone as the league penalty leader…unfortunately, that distinction now belongs to Neil!!  Still…it’s progress.  Let’s keep that fire burning baby.  Late game next week against our favorite mongoloid, Sprague, and his keepers the Rangers.  Should be a can’t miss game!!

 

Top Eight Reasons an Eight-man Squad is Key:

8.) Cow is too tired to yell at Diddle.
7.)  Neil is too tired to take more than 3 penalties.
6.)  Weber gets double credit for making it to a short-sided game.
5.)  Pinna gets his friggin’ ice time.
4.)  Sattora can work off that box of moon pies he ate earlier that day.
3.)  Teno gets all of Pinna’s friggin’ ice time.
2.)  B Moore still gets to put up at least 5 points and maintain his points leader status.
1.)  The “U” gets to shine and become the Weevils goto guy, baby!!  (We were all just beginning to wonder what the hell he was bringing to this team anyway!!)