Weevil Webmaster Kidnapped by Rimmers

Wake Forest, NC. — Wake Forest police think a man suspected of kidnapping Diddle at gunpoint in an apparent ransom attempt may be trying to flee to Mexico.

Authorities on Sunday issued a warrant for the whole Rimmers team, 16, who authorities say is Mexican. They believe this because of the aztec symbols and spanish writing on his sweater. He is wanted in connection with the Friday morning kidnapping of Diddle from after their game in Wake Forest, NC. Diddle was able to escape several days later.

“We have reason to believe he has fled the area but we’re not 100 percent sure,” Wake County sheriff’s spokesman told FOX News Monday morning, adding that authorities are searching both locally and out of state.

Asked whether the Rimmers may be trying to flee to Mexico, he said: “Certainly there’s a chance of that and we’re working with authorities there and hopefully we’ll be able to catch up with them soon.”

He also said police are not sure if the Rimmers were in the United States legally or not, since there are several men who share the same name and the same rubbers.

After days of searching, Diddle finally showed up in the trunk of a lime green fiesta with a flower in the dash. He was tortured with Steele Tavern and had paste rubbed under his nose. Diddle said they also forced him to drink the stale beer they never finished in the parking lot from last season. “It was horrible, I just can’t describe the horror I felt when I saw those transvestite aztec warriors on the front of their BDUs.”

Diddle also had this to say, “Well we started out hot with a 3 musketeer goal from Moore to Sattora to Teno and in the net. We were not sure what to think about this team as they only had 5 shots on us the last meeting and they won. The next goal was pocketed by none other than the Pinna who cries about being dogged on this website all the time.. well not this time! He went up high after receiving a very long pass from Johan somewhere in Sweden. The Factory comes down the ice on one of their 4 rushes of the night and send one past Pslow who is still relying on his warmup from 3 weeks ago. This upset Pinna as he was on the ice for the minus, so he turned around and put one right back in their net. Although the celebration did not last long due to a big hack from the Universal putting us down a man. Don’t we have enough penalty hogs on the team already? The Factory decided to put a weak one past Pslow after an incredible save to keep themselves within striking distance.”

“We got 2 goals to their 1 in the second when Bmoore picks up some loose change and deposits it in the coinstar receiving a 45% return. Zarb also stepped up this period and showed us how to manage a project all by himself. There was not many penalties in this period because we were unstoppable!”

“The third period was an absolute Weevils show, as we put in three more from Sattora, Moore and Pinna. These guys are good! But of course in Weevil fashion Universal and Teno get a hat trick of penalties a piece. Teno was very upset that some goon got on top of his girlfriend Sattora and rode him all the way to the red line. So he takes out his frustration at the no call on some poor schmuck breaking to the goal. Removing the guys feet from underneath him and sending him into the boards four eyes first. As the ref takes Teno to the box, he finishes blowing off steam at the refs face and ends up with a abuse of the ref penalty. Dang Teno, I thought you only abused the zorba.”

“Well I don’t know why the Rimmers kidnapped me, other than the fact that i finally got on the score sheet with an assist to the B moore puntual. Or maybe it was because they are jealous about our web presence and prowess. Thanks to Sattora-san Senior for donning his komono and rescuing me from the trunk of that fiesta! Not even the rimmers can mess with his katana.”