Expectations were not great as we faced the second place holding Eye Care Center. But our goals for the evening were best expressed by our new T-shirt design and mantra unveiled in the locker room: “We know violence isn’t the answer….we got it wrong on purpose!! 2006 Penalty Leaders!!” Pee Slow was back in net for the bugs after his maternity leave and subsequent paternity lawsuit. We would be playing with 3 full offensive lines and only 3 defenders tonight, so avoiding penalties would be key for the bugs. The game would start off on a surreal note, as Myze took the first puck drop against the punk he dropped the last time we met (the result of that meeting was Myze getting a 2 game vacation and said punk getting a face full of ice shavings!!). Even before dropping the puck, the ref began a diatribe about knowing these two teams, not wanting any trouble tonight, etc. before Myze chimed in with “I’M TRYING TO LISTEN TO THE F—ING SONG!!!!!” in true Hanson brother fashion.

We showed up for the game with every piece needed to complete a successful showing. We even added a new recruit to our roster, Tom Brown, who won just about every face-off during his shifts on the ice. Our team was fired up, and even Pinet was ready to skate hard after becoming the victim of a Weevil Nation bitch slap in the public eye. The first period started out strong with great hustle and reckless abandon. There were even rumors of a bet between Icejew and Myze about not taking a penalty. I think the bet was for a pine cone wreath! Well, Myze won this bet and now has the wreath hanging above his league leading penalty trophy. Instead of Myze getting the penalties, it was a curse bestowed on IceJew, who took the first one in his first shift. He also took one in his second shift right as he exited the box. But right before the penalty, Teno takes one in with his patented scrap and shovel move potting the first goal of the game. The Weevils draw first blood! But the empire strikes back and ties the game at 1.

The second period was much of the same with hustle and grit oozing out of the Weevil snouts. Many shots and great effort from the defense which played 3 deep with Sattora, Toad & Cow grinding out some great stops. After the birth of his first child, Pee Slow seemed to be on his game, stopping a ton of scoring chances. Pinna and Icejew both scored making their line the most valuable in the offensive zone. Even though they didn’t pass to each other, they seemed to play well as individuals picking up great rebounds and depositing the check in the bank. The second period ended with us up by 2, 3-1 and feeling very confident. Unfortunately Sattora sat down for a little nap and the other team rolled us in the third.

The third period was full of frustration and anguish as 91 lead the Eye Care to 6 unanswered goals. Penalties were rampid and the refs even pulled aside the captains for a brief overview of the new USA hockey rules. We still had plenty of chances to put some pucks in the net, but the Weevils fell back on their old ways and didn’t finish. Instead we plugged away in the offensive zone and left our 3 battered defense-man to fend for themselves. Toward the end of the game, 91 decided to rub our noses even further into the dirt as his breakaway was thwarted by Toad leaving his feet, getting all puck and sending the superstar sliding into the Slow. This controversial call ended in a penalty shot which tweaked Toad due to the fact that he was not even in a position to shoot the puck when he was taken down. Pee Slow said, “They didn’t even wait for me to get ready and in position before they blew the whistle.” But we all know how long it takes Slow to get ready as he was not even out on the ice with 5 seconds left in the pre-game warm-up. So much for a miraculous win. The Weevils drop to their knees to give the other team a nice hummer before the beer consumption started. After the game, the team was flabbergasted at the fact that Pee Slow showed up with beer, although he was sans cooler. We did win the post game and even ended up at the Mulligans for some fat & nasty karaoke and a great sample of Coors and quesadillas. Too bad Pee Slow left early, I think Jessica was there.

Lessons learned for the evening:
1. 3-D Never works against teams with any merit whatsoever!
2. It’ll only cost us $5 to reduce our penalty minutes by 75%
3. When Pee Slow brings beer, sip it so it lasts longer!!
4. Toad likes the way Cow smells.
5. Nobody likes the way Pee Slow smells.
6.Weevils can still party like it’s 1999.